new status..

i'm now officially become a faithful girlfriend to Muhammad Fikri Hakim who i only known by a few phone calls and smsess..am I making a right decision?dunno,just go with the flow and let's see if this relationship might work with my ego,lifestyle and family relations..but to be honest,i'm not that satisfied and happy with what i have just now because i know i can have a much better person than he..well,i'm not too  bad either..so i have a chance to have a good,charming boyfriend,right?but,like my mother's says,'God always give you things that you need in your life,not the things you want to..so after all,just let be content on what i have,for now at least..but sadly,my mom being quite too conservative lady at the moment,which means that she quite disagreed that i have a boyfriend in my life..with a same,lame reason.."you're don't need a man now,let's just focus on your studies.."
she might be true but deep in my heart,i;m quite mad with that but let's just say i ignored it and be want i wanna be in my life..after all,the most important key is that i now who i am and do not cross over beyond the limit of my principle,family tradition and especially,my religion..well,let's just pray that i'm able to balance out everything in my life so that i won't turn out to be totally messed up and miserable in my life later on..

so dead confused!

every single day,i keep asking myself if i do the right thing...but when i go deeper and deeper,it make me more confused..more questions come into my head...sometimes i feel so guilty..i feel so cruel,unreasonable and unforgiveble..what that damn thing that change me from sweet little girl to evil,unpredictable young lady?i need  my oldself back..but where i could meet her again?what should i do?i'm so lost right now and i need someone or something that can give me back my strengh and faith..but who?only times can tell that answers..God now best..